Thanksgiving in Cambodia

November 25, 2010. This was a date for which all true red-white-and-blue-bleeding Americans had longed, at least since November 27th, 2009. A time for family and friends to converge for hours around the largest television set available, to thank the Lord for benevolently creating fantasy football leagues, to get good and drunk and dig up old grudges, to eat and overeat and become even fatter — together — this was Thanksgiving.

However, while their countrymen gleefully stuffed their carb-inflamed mid-sections into their finest sweatpants, donned their favorite RIP Dale Earnhardt caps and brought down the real glass nut dishes in anticipation, our boys found themselves instead off on their own, a day ahead and across the world, trapped in a nation bereft of Budweiser, football (the real kind), God and even turkeys: Cambodia.

Would they feign ignorance and simply let the holiday pass sans fanfare, as if it were Arbor Day or some inconvenient third-world genocide?

No sir, not these dyed-in-the-American-grown-cotton Freedomfags! Like any pioneers worth their Sweet’N Low, our boys would stare hardship in the face and improvise. And so they slapped both the pouts off their faces and the Cat Shirts onto their backs, and marched straight through the garbage and dogs to the best place to round up a feast: the street. At various stalls they purchased:

  • one whole duck ($4)
  • 1/5 kilo of bacon-like porkbelly
  • steamed dumplings
  • pineapple and mangoes
  • these gooey pumpkin-flavored tapioca rhombus things (dessert)
  • two Oreos
  • Five Klang beers
  • Immodium, Lopramide, Ciprofloxacin, etc.

And from the busy street cafe whose tables they commandeered, two plates of steamed rice — all for about $10!

As a bonus — thanks either to an Uncle Sam in angel form rewarding our boys’ patriotic spirit or to an economy grossly dependent on foreign aid following one of the 20th Century’s most maniacal political experiments — they got to pay for it all in good ol’ Christianized American greenback dollars.

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About Steve and Devon

Yeah! We're the best!
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3 Responses to Thanksgiving in Cambodia

  1. Cuzin' Davey says:

    Hey Cousin Devon!…and his friend Steve! I hope you have a fantastic Xmas holiday. “Holiday in Cambodia” by the Dead Kennedys was one of my favorite songs growing up, so I know you’ll enjoy it there. Have fun, don’t get AIDS and eat lots of bean cake. Thank you for the postcard from Tibet, (or whatever it’s called now). Your blogs crack me up, I hope this turns into a book and you make enough to retire in the Dwarf Kingdom.

    Lots of love from Georgia (the state in the USA), My Mom says hi,

    David.

  2. Carla says:

    I couldn’t find a definition for Freedomfag, capitalized or otherwise. Not even on UrbanDictionary. Just mentioning it.

  3. Kinda disappointed to discover that *maniacal political experiment* link has gone bad. No biggie, though, I’ll google it later.

    I think you’re a genius btw.

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