“In Yunnan of China, at the beaufiful lakeside of DianChi.there is a dreamful coutry lives in a virgin forest, which gefs hundreds of people together-that’the “Dwarves Empire” of the World Ecological Garden of Butterfly. People here are so diligent, kind, versatile and brave. They have their own capital, king, army and the diplomatic servce.
People there are waiting for you!”
–From the pamphlet, “About Dwarves Empire“
We discovered this quote at a guesthouse in Kunming, Yunnan, China along with some photos advertising a brand new tourist attraction: a 1.5-hour song-and-dance extravaganza performed twice a day entirely by a colony of dwarves. Xiǎo Guo Ren. Literally, Small People Nation. Better known as Dwarf Empire.
Obviously, we went.
Sure, we could tell you all about it — what we saw, what we thought, how we felt. But we wouldn’t want to taint your cultural experience with our patented brand of cynicism, jagged morality and ethnocentricity, now would we? Instead, we’ll leave the boosting to the Dwarves Empire Diplomatic Service, by henceforth reproducing the rest of their pamphlet in full.
(Unfortunately, the above quote is the only Chinglish on it, but we’ve done our best, utilizing the full extent of our Mandarin skills, to translate the rest.)
Well come Dwarves Empire!
The biggest Dwarves Empire in the world, Dwarfs Empire is the magical refuge for the small people that now can live their lifes in peace, away from big city and also big people. Here they can able to be unite and do the one thing that make them most happy: to sing and dance for you, spreading for you their Universal Love!
The Dwarf Empire society have every kind of person, you can see by uniform:
The King and Queen to command this peaceful land
Army to keep safe dwarfs from wars
Business Men to make dwarves prosperous
Flight attendants to be smile keeping you less thirsty on long flight
Magic fairys to cast magic spells and make the dreams become truth
Normal citizen to be cowboy, magician or other important job
All these kinds of person have special group dance which only they know how to!
Dwarf Singing Dancing Performance Show
Main event of the Dwarf Empire is to see them emiting the Universal Benevolent of innocent singing and dancing, the ancient tradition from fallen dwarf ancestors. You will become truly moving by this magic experience! Samples scrolling down.
Opening ceremony, whole kingdom can sing dance with you.
Cowboy and friends headstand dance! Also can smoke cigarrette during doing!
Dwarf Air Plane stewardesses dance. They will be the “venus, the fire of your desire!”
Business Men dance! These men all work but also can all play! Dwarfs are very friendly small people.
Leather clothes breakdance dance Dwarf man! Be sure to laugh whole audience if the pants to slide down causing tripping onto face! He is so small and funny!
What will Small Magician find in the audience woman-pocket? It is the undergarment! This is the embarassied naughty trick, but true!
Seating can be the chairs or amphitheater, with extra over the side. Here are some dwarf soldier, conquering Dwarf Empire from enemy!
Visitor must sit in small chair and feel to be like dwarves. Hey, this is their Empire!
Suggested Audience Behaves
Our dwarves work all the way hard in order for sharing this magic of music with you and you children. Please have respect in observing few simple behavior guidings:
Laugh mockingly any time you wish. Especially when performer breaks the singing note, dance in way appearing funny for small person (shaking arm and leg, spinning atop head, etc.), or trips over too big pants. After all, it is that they are dwarfs!
Allow the children run around compare to wild dogs. This is a fun time for these children, sometimes which are as big as dwarves.
Stand up and then to leave before performance is ended. You are in hurry, dwarfs are not going anywhere.
Servicings for Guests for Dwarf Empire
Throughout performance you may have the professional dwarf take your photograph in front of performance. Just listen for his loudspeaker, loud enough to hear it over show music.
Do you like this singer? Have your child buy the flower and go onto stage, giving it to the singer. Dwarf will interrupt to say thank you in the song! Look around, every other parent has the children doing this, you should also.
Are you hungry while you are here? Ask a dwarf to summon its magic powers for make you a lunch. This will be very delicious experience for you.
Will you need to empty the bladder now? You can definitely go to toilet small people style!
Explore the Dwarf Empire
Clamber the hill to Dwarf village and you will see the dwarfs houses, home to all the dwarfs and their loving families. This is where the dwarfs live their lifes, raise dwarf families, celebrate dwarf birthdays, everything like a normal person though much smaller. Dwarf neighbors are kind to themselves, never quarreling because they live in true natural harmony. These homes look very real because of they are.
The tiny legs take too much long for walking up many hills in Empire’s mountaintop retreat, so dwarves drive their special vehicles and other majestic dwarfmobiles.
Can you guess, not only Dwarf are be here in peaceful kingdom. Also give you rare opportunity for spying the “Hot Chinese Girl”, not with traditional face of frog monkey or bug. Very uncommon in China, maybe lab experiment? Included in ticket.
Available for students, or any person shows any card with photo and say “I am student.”
Did You Know!
Dwarfs art is so strong and worldwide important, now United Nations recognize this branch of Kingdom! Dwarfs Art Branch, Benevolent Emperor & Universal Love Peace Performing Art Troupe Of United Nations World Peace Foundation. Congratulations Dwarves!
Tour Three Wonders
Dwarf Empire is new one of Three Wonders at The World Ecological Garden of Butterfly location. Also with the ticket you can visit Butterfly Garden, this is the biggest Butterfly Garden in China, with many pristine nature elements and butterflies both living and dead to love and delight you. After you can drive to Wild and time Square, a mysterious manmade tree atop the hill — maybe this will rejuvenate you spirits with its beautiful power!
How To Arrive
The secret land Dwarf Empire is south of KunMing arrivable by road forty minutes. There is ShuttleVan to here from Kunming. Simply go front of Kunming Western Bus Station and at busy intersection search for the van on one of these streets. The shuttle van will be brown or grey with no words, pictures or markings to any kind. There are many brown or grey vans like this here, so give plenty of time to find the right one! If you do not, someone will taxi you for much more money.
Thank you for to visit our Dwarf Empire!
You now agree this is beautiful special place in all of China and world. Please never forgetting lessons you learn here, for Universal Love, natural union with harmony, gift of music from the small people… for dwarfs will never forget your children. May you be forever touched by Dwarfs!
Dwarfs Empire Diplomatic Service
Migrate to Dwarf Empire!
Do you desire make 2500RMB month salary? Can you able to sing dance or stand above top the head? Are you a dwarf?
If yes for third question, please to consider applicating to work at Dwarf Empire! Contacting informations:
Email: 2619183437@QQ.com Web: www.sjhdy.cn
Tel: 86-871-8500600 Fax: 86-871-5709107
Company ADD: Fifth Floor, Colourful Building, 450 Baiyun road, KunMing, YunNan Province, China
Park ADD: Heiqiaomu Area, BiJi town, XiShan Area, KunMing, YunNan. Province, China